I promised you an article on school age kids who are struggling to remove masks - not because their families have made the choice to keep masks on, but because taking off their masks is associated with danger.
If you’ve spent 2 years drilling in on the idea that masks = safety, and are now wanting to open up that thinking in an effort to unmask, these tips are designed to help you to share your updated thinking with your children. NOTE: I am not addressing families who chose to continue masking for any reason, or children who are enjoying masking because of their temperament (see that article here). I 100% support families making the decision that feels right for them, as noted by the AAP President Moira Szilagyi, MD, PhD, FAAP. “We encourage each family to make a plan that works best for them, while also modeling empathy and discouraging bullying of any child who chooses to mask to protect themselves and their family even when not required to do so.” Let’s have compassion and understanding around ALL feelings around masks. Ours, our childrens’, our neighbors and our friends.
Step 1: Well, you may have guessed it…Come to terms with your own feelings. I know I always say that, but there is no chance that you can have a meaningful conversation with your child if you don’t take a breath and think through your own feelings. Take a minute to recognize that even though you think that your feelings are hidden from your child, your own anxiety will be noticed by your children. Do your own work first, so that you can be present for your child’s feelings.
Step 2: Share updated rules in your community. These will vary depending on where you live and where your child goes to school. Talk about what others may be doing, or how rules are being changed in different settings.
Step 3: Share your updated thinking and current feelings. This is based on your family and there is no right or wrong here. Tell your child(ren) about what you are experiencing related to the new rules, and how you would like to respond. In this example, you may choose to explain why you feel unmasking is now appropriate, and whether you are excited, fearful or both.
Step 4: Be honest. After experiencing so many ups and downs, learning new science and facing a mutating virus, be honest with your child(ren) that these new rules and your new feelings may not be permanent. You can’t promise that things won’t change again, and need to call on flexible thinking to handle this evolving situation. (More about flexible thinking, an Executive Function skill, to come soon)
Step 5: Walk children through what’s happened so far. Remind your kids about all of the flexibility they’ve already shown. For example, “First we wore masks to protect others, then for ourselves and now we are not going to wear masks at all. We’ve done lots of different things to stay safe over the last 2 years, and we keep changing based on what the science tells us, and how we are feeling.”
Step 6: Praise children for how well they have done. Praise is a great tool to reinforce behavior and remind children that they have succeeded in so many areas over this pandemic. Offer specific praise for how well they have done, for example, “Remember when it was so hard to keep your mask on? You’ve gotten so great at remembering it and keeping it on during the day. You’ve become an expert!”
Step 7: Reassure children that all reactions to unmasking are OK. Make room for children to respond by expressing your curiosity. You can say something like, “You’ve had 2 years of masks and now we are changing the rules. I wonder how that feels for you? I know for me it is an adjustment.” If your child expresses anxiety, reassure them that their anxiety isn’t unfounded, for example, “It’s normal to be scared of making a change when we have been doing this for so long. Change is hard, and this isn’t easy for anyone.”
Step 8: Share the updated science. Talk to your trusted healthcare professional about individual COVID risks for your family. Schedule an appointment or call with your primary care provider, and have your child ask any questions they may have directly. Your child’s provider can give accurate and relevant data points for your circumstance, and is a wonderful resource. Take advantage of their experience and connection to your family and reach out.
Step 9: Share your confidence and comfort around unmasking. In this article, we are focusing on children’s anxiety when parents are supportive of unmasking. That means that parents need to express their confidence in their child’s safety and security in forgoing the mask (if you can’t do this, go back to Step 1). Think of this situation in the same way you would handle any new environment or situation where your child was nervous.
Step 10: Sit with hard feelings. Let children know you are there to help them move through these hard feelings, but that you can’t take them away. Come up with a plan of small ways they can get closer to the larger goal of taking off their mask. Set realistic goals that leave plenty of room for children to adjust, for example starting by taking the mask off at recess and work toward additional periods in the day.
None of this is easy – on us or our children – but we are in it together. Let’s show kindness to each other as we tackle new challenges, and remember that our children are watching, and listening, to our example.
Warmly,
Thanks for being a part of Raising Good Humans. We are in this together.
